Satti and the Dog

Once upon a time in a small room of a vast city bangalore, there lived two fellows : satti and niksi. Both used to be so so intelligent because of the following reasons:
1) both were master of technology (biiiig deal)
2) both were in IBM (d biiiiiiiiiiiig blue)
3) best of all, both were boys (boys are "d" best)

So, i am going to describe one small incident which happened to them last night.
satti and niksi will go to andhra mess to have their supper every night. For satti (who is an andhra guy) its a feast, for niksi (who is not a south indian) its a way to fight hunger. So crux of the matter is they have to cross a loooooooooooong lane from their small room to reach the biiiiig outer ring road, crossing which they reach their destination.

This happened while they were crossing this lane. The time was after dusk around 7.30. The very instant, satti and niksi entered the lane, don't know from where a huuge (kind of) doggy came. He started moving along with satti and niksi. Both thought that doggy's pace is similar to their's and thats the reason he is moving along. And when time will come, he will move on to his path. But doggy had different things on his mind.

Thing is that, our satti is kind of slow, plummy, golu polu, cute. So any good doggy just by looking to satti will fall in love with him. Similar thing happens to our doggy here. He saw satti, he fell in love with him. And for this eternal love, he was moving along with a firm determination that whatever may come, he will never leave satti.

It was a scene worth imagining. Two people and a dog. Going. Going. Going. With different things in mind.

But after a minute or two, satti felt that doggy is coming with him only.

Satti: Doggy
Doggy: Satti
Satti: Eh
Doggy: What
Satti: Go
Doggy: No
Satti: Why
Doggy: I love you
Satti: (No words, just a shocked face)

Actually he was taken aback. No body said "I love you" to him ever with so much love in the eyes. But still, he thought firmly to get rid of the dog. He was thinking foul of the dog. But see his face, and you will not see a sign of any thing negative. It was all filled with love, love and nothing else. This is where the dog failed. He saw satti and he saw love and he thought love and he got over confident.

He took satti for granted. He thought satti will never leave him. And he started moving fast and ahead of satti and niksi, leading the way for his master and clearing the path of other not so important kids, people and doggies.

Satti catches niksi's hand and stops. Niksi with a blank look, What?
Satti: Wait
Niksi: for what
Satti: that doggy
niksi: which, what doggy
satti: that doggy you fool, where is your mind. that doggy is following us.
niksi: oh my god, is it, i never thought. now what
satti: just wait, i have a working plan.

Coming to the climax. What happens is a man, with build similar to satti passes satti and niksi and gradually reaches to the dog. Dog is too busy clearing the path for his master to see this switch. He starts moving along with that man thinking him as satti (his beloved).

Satti takes advantage of this moment and switches the lane using a cross lane in between. CRUEL CRUEL SATTI. Noooooooooooo feelings for the poor dog. No second thoughts. Niksi hates satti.

Finally, they come to the great outer ring road. And while crossing niksi gives a stare behind. And what he looks at is heart breaking. At the edge of the lane he sees a dog, wretched, tired, heart ached, poor.. with tears in eyes... looking with a look of "WHY ME?" towards satti. He never in his dreams thought that satti will leave him like this...

But thats how life is... you can not expect love from everyone you love.....

Niksi feels, only if that dog would had loved him instead of satti, things would had been different...

Ah... falling in love... gravitation is not responsible..

niksi falls in love.. huhahahahaha..

Once upon a time, niksi fell in love. And there was laughing and funny breaths and happiness and all those sort of things. There was much rejoicing. And then, shut! Over. Gone. Dead. Completely cut off. Disconnected. The taste still fresh in his mouth. The smell still on his skin. The feeling left in his fingertips. But niksi can't get that feeling back. He may spend his entire life trying to get back into that polaroid. Fighting all the way. The best thing niksi have ever known. Even now, anytime he comes close to it he wants to dive in. Sink or swim. He doesn't care. Niksi would give anything to be even in the room next to it. Across the street. A breath away. Remembering what he never let himself forget. Looking someone in the eye and knowing; another time, another place, it is right there. In front of him. Within reach. Just open his fingers and wrap them around it. Hold it tightly. And never let it go. Never. Never. He fought. He fought hard. But only with himself. Sometimes niksi wonders if he should have fought harder. With her. With it. Tried to work it out. It all made sense for about fifteen seconds. Just enough time to say, you’re right. What the hell was he thinking? Why didn't he say? Something. Anything. His line of thinking was, if she doesn't want it, he don't want to push it. Why try to keep her where she doesn't want to be? But she did want to be there. She had to. She was happy. There were nights niksi cried. When they were together and then he took her home and he cried. Not because he was sad, or even missed her already, but because he was happy. So happy that niksi couldn't contain himself. He talked to God. Whether he believed in him or not. And he said thank you. Over and over. Again and again. niksi couldn't believe it was real. . Look into her perfect brown eyes and see himself. But he could. he had seen her before. In the coffee shop. And he said to himself, he would give up everything if she would even turn his way. She was light years beyond him. Another plane. Another class. Confident, beautiful, at peace. So sure. Not for niksi. Niksi couldn't even dream it. No way could he ever make it real. Did she felt what he felt? He had to believe she did. If he didn’t, it would be so hard to breathe. So hard to get up in the morning. So hard to be. No one will be her. No one will have those eyes. No one will have that one lock of hair hiding all her secrets. And no one, ever again will make niksi whole. Not like that. He is scared. He is so scared. What if it is real? What if never? What if he is right?

Did he ever wondered, did he ever asked myself? Can he live without love?? Can he open his eyes? He is afraid to. There is a feeling. He knows it. This trembling completeness. This warmth. That makes everything big. And niksi is ten feet tall all the time. Everyone is looking at him. He is the one. The one she chose. The one she calls when everything is wrong, and when everything is right! She is the one who reaches out for him. For niksi. She once said, niksi, I need you. He was done. That was what he was looking for all his life. Those words. For something as pure as this creature to need him! Could not be real. Could not be his life. But it was. Of course, it was! It isn't anymore. It is gone. So far away. And it will never be there again. he see little pieces of it everywhere. A glance, a smile, a touch. He feels desperate. He feels alone. So much out there. But he only wants to hear one thing. Not sure what. But he will know. If he ever get the chance, he will stretch out his fingers, grasp it tightly and never let it go! But till then - he will be here. With his open hand. And his desperate heart. And his cold skin. And his angry brain. And his boundless love. Slowly, regrettably, forgetting just enough that he can survive from one day to the next. To remember is to suffer. To see what was and then look at what is. To hear a voice, feel his heart stop. Watch his breath shudder in the cold. She. She can be almost anyone. She can read niksi like a book. He will open to any page for anyone. Cover to cover. Nothing to hide. Not the fear, the pain, or the hopelessness. It is all there. Large print - easy to read. Secrets dissolved in tears. Dissipating into honesty, innocence, need. Niksi was lost and now niksi is found. Niksi was blind but now niksi can see. Niksi was crippled and now niksi can run. Maybe it all happened because niksi never wanted to……

Fall in love…………..

And niksi learns

A time came in his life when finally niksi got it. When in the midst of all his fears and insanity he stopped dead in his tracks and somewhere the voice inside his head cried out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, his sobs begun to subside, he shuddered once or twice, he blinked back his tears and through a mantle of wet lashes he begun to look at the world through new eyes.

This was his awakening. He realized that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. He came to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with him and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

He awakened to the fact that he is not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what he is... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)

he learned that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for him and that it's not always about him.

And he begun to sift through all the crap he've been fed about how he should behave; how he should look and how much he should weigh; what he should wear and where he should shop; and what he should drive how and where he should live; and what he should do for a living; or what he owe to his parents.

he learned that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and he stopped maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for his next fix.

he learned that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which he must build a life. he learned that he don't know everything, it's not his job to save the world and that he can't teach a dog to sing.

he learned to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

he learned that the only cross to bear is the one he choose to carry. Then he learned about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. he learned not to project his needs or his feelings onto a relationship. he learned that he will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of someone with him.

he learned to look at relationships as they really are and not as he would have them be. he stopped trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

he learned that just as people grow and change so it is with love...and he learned that he don't have the right to demand love on his terms...just to make him happy.

And, he learned that alone does not mean lonely. And he looked in the mirror and came to terms with the fact that he will never be a perfect and he stopped trying to compete with the image inside his head and agonizing over how he "stack up."

he came to the realization that he deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and he won't settle for less. And, he will allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes him to glorify him with its touch...and in the process he will internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And he learned that his body really is his temple. And he begun to care for it and treat it with respect. he begun eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

he learned that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So now he takes more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So he takes more time to laugh and to play.

he learned that for the most part, in life he will get what he believed he deserves ... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

he learned that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.’

More importantly, he learned that in order to achieve success he needs direction, discipline and perseverance. he also learned that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

he learned to fight for his life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. he learned that life isn't always fair, he don't always get what he thinks he deserves and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions he learned not to personalize things. he learned that God isn't punishing him or failing to answer his prayers.

It's just life happening. And he learned to deal with evil in its most primal state-the ego.
he learned that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of him and poison the universe that surrounds him. he learned to admit when he is wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

he learned to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, he begun to take responsibilities for himself by himself and to make himself a promise to never betray himself and to never ever settle for less than his heart's desire.

And he made it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in his heart and with God by his side he took a stand, he took a deep breath and he begun to design the life he wanted to live as best as he can and decided never to fall in love.

so, niksi learns.