Do you believe in god?

"Do you believe in god?", She asked.
He was taken aback. He never gave a thought on that. Ever.

He was made to believe in god. No "made to" is not correct. He was never forced. It was always around. He grew with it. He grew seeing his grandma doing all the fasting sincerely, even when she suffered from severe diabetes and missing a single meal meant a lot for her old used up body. He grew seeing his mother passing first drop of water or first bite of food down her throat only after she had her bath, did her prayers and paid her respect to sun god. He grew seeing his uncles remaining unshaven on "special days" of god. He chose to believe in god. He felt happy going to temple with mother, getting tilak on his head, eating prasad which the priest gave and drinking camphor water which he did even though he never liked doing (camphor taste gave strange feelings to his throat). He liked eating fruits and food specially cooked for fasting days. He loved doing pooja to his books, his bicycle, his toys on diwali and dusshera. Firing crackers on diwali, dancing during navaratri was so much fun.

But today, today though the answer he gave was yes, that yes was just to put an end to the matter. Just to answer her question. He was not in a position to say no and then being pressed to answer all the that would follow.

But once he was alone in his bed, in darkness, during night, he searched for the answer. He was sure that there was a counter question in his heart the time when he said "yes". A feeling which took birth in his heart and ran through his brain and body in a millisecond and died. That feeling made him shiver. That feeling told him he was lying, that he was wrong. He started arguing with himself.

He felt himself getting ripped into two parts.

"You don't believe in god. By now you should have understood there is no such entity. ", Said the first part.

"No, you are worng. Whatever you have is because of all strong god. There is god.", Screamed the second part. The part close to him.

"Ha, Ha, Ha, laughed the first part. What did you say? "Whatever you have." What do you have?" And that part became invisible. But his strong devilish laugh ringed in his ears for a long time.

Yes, he was right, what did he have? Once he had. He had everything. For others everything was same. For them, he was him, what he used to be. But for him, everything was different. His beliefs had died. His heart questioned for everything now.

Whether he has friends? For this moment, yes, so many! For next, no, he is not having any friend. Not even one. He is not having anyone with whom he can share everything. And everything meant everything. So, he is without any friends.

Whether he is healthy? For this moment, yes, he is. Never more healthier! For the next moment, no, he is not. How he spends those fierce nights with his eyes open, thinking nothing. How a small wound in his body, a small bulging in his neck (which he comes to know later was just a side effect of cold he had), a small change anywhere in his body - scares the hell out of him. No, he is not healthy. Not mentally, if not physically. Or the other way round. He has no answer.

Whether he is happy? This moment, yes he is. He keeps smiling, he keeps jumping, he keeps laughing. Sharing jokes, passing comments, enjoying. Yes, he is happy! No, he is not. Whether he is in the place he wanted to be? No, he is not. Is he with people he wanted to be with? No, he is not. Is he doing work he loved and and once dreamt of doing? No, he is not. Is he the reason for things, for people. No, he is not. And he looses badly if he tries. He has tried several times now trying to go near people. Trying to make friends. But nothing works. So, no, he is not happy. Is he alive? Ha, Ha, Ha. Again that devilish laugh ringing in the ears for a long time.

Ah! He is moving away from what he started with. He wanted to search answer for whether he believed in god or not. And what he ended thinking. This happens now. This happens several times at several places now. He wishes something, he tries something, he gets something else. And above all, now he takes what he gets, no questions asked, no battles fought. Yes! We hit the root. Here lies the answer. Whom to fight with? Whom to ask questions? There was a time when he prayed to god, he thanked to him for good times, he complained to him for bad times. And he felt then that his prayers are being noticed, are being anwered.

But then came a time when everything stopped. Nothing changed. He prayed, he complained, he fought, he cried, he shouted, he screamed, but no reply, no anwer, no change. Bad things kept coming, one after another, one after another, like those ants coming over a dying cockroach. Earlier he used to find it amusing. He used to think that that cockroach is alive but still he is not running away. Not reacting. How can he surrender to such small ants, particularly when he is not even dead yet? He used to laugh at the cockroach. But now, he himself was on sympathy of ants, of time, of destiny, of fate, of luck, of god. You choose the word you like. He will not speak. He will not react. He will just accept and move ahead. Nothing to do. Nothing to show. Nothing to bother about.

So did he believe in god? If someone is ready to hold responsibility of whatever happened in his life and whatever is happening, then yes, there is god. And if only he is supposed to account for, even without his being the reason for anything that happened, then no, there was no god. Why should he believe in something if not believing is not making any difference? Right?

Generally, no, not generally, always now, he will come to such conclusions and his brain will go numb, will go blank . Again a long fierce night with eyes open and nothing to think............

The Jonathan Mann - 1

Jonathan Mann is my close friend. And we came even closer after that day at Fishire annual fish games. Jonathan Mann was digesting his lunch over a pot of coffee overlooking a group of young fishes all looking bumps-a-daisies. The group consisted of a hogfish, a fusilier, a perch, a trevally and a cod, all surrounding an archerfish discussing some hot topic. He seated himself more comfortably. Suddenly something in white appeared up in the air coming towards him at the speed of light.

Fishes, new to the place, would have taken the thing on the head and would have lost their conciousness before seeing that the thing was just a sugar lump thrown by a friendly fin in the neighborhood. But Jonathan, now well acquainted to the place, successfully dodged the lump and beamed like a purring pussy cat on the catfish who threw it.

"Kya Umar Thi, Kya Sama Tha, Kya Jamaana Tha,
Ek Haseena Thi, Ek Deewaaaaaaaaana Thaaaa "

Himesh Fishemiya was singing in the background. The view around Jonathan made him conclude that joy reigned supreme, that Fishemiya was singing at his best, that everything in world was alright, that god was in heaven, that devil in his hell and nothing could be more smooth. He was feeling so fit today, bright eyes, rosy cheeks, sap flowing and rising in his veins and arteries as well. For a moment he forgot that since he was "the Jonathan Mann", what he felt at the moment was wrong and quite temporary. Once the serene moment passed, he remembered the day at the Fishire annual fish games and all his joyous feelings swooshed in the air.

"Ishq ki woh gali, Baat jiski chali,
Us gali me, mera aanaa, aana jaana tha,
Ek hasina thi, Ek diwaaaana thaaaaaaaaaaa"

Since he was a Himesh fan, he made a mental note that he is supposed to watch the new karz. So, we have Jonathan Mann (no more joyous) sitting at a corner looking at group of young fishes, all surrounding an archerfish and peeping out of the window. Jonathan did not first understand what they were up to. But once he overheard the conversation in the neighborhood, he knew exactly what they were up to. THEY WERE SHOOTING CHESTNUTS. As simple as that.

First, on hearing this, he felt strange. I mean there can be hundreds of things worthier of shooting - you can shoot tigers, you can shoot bears, you can shoot ducks, you can shoot faunas, you can shoot a gangster if you are in the force, you can shoot an aunt if you don't like her telling you not to scream and you can shoot anyone if you are a gangster yourself. But shooting chestnuts. That was quite out of the usual way. He was thinking in the same lines, when he realised that his train of thoughts were logically faulty. By shooting chestnuts they meant, shooting things with chestnuts as in by using a catapult.

Jonathan felt proud of his brain to discover the outcome in such a short span. It is many years since he himself owned a catapult in his village Fishire and was considered answer to Robin Grass, the famous Longtom from the neighboring village of Prawnshire. It was kindergarten stuff for fishes from Fishire, this catapult thing, a sort of stuff every fish from Fishire learns at it's mother's knee and Jonathan was best among all.

"Bewafa yaar ne, Apne mehboob se,
Aisa dhoka kiya, Aisha dhoka kiya
Zaher usko diya, Zaher usko diya"

"Fish Dudes", (the place were Jonathan was sitting), was considered blot on the metropolis of Fish York. The club was looked upon as low and was considered rest place for fishes for whom doing nothing was the most important work and having fun was life's motto. You name a bad fish and he will be member of "Fish Dudes". Fishes gathering here touched all the topics in the world. Topics such as weather, human aliens, dogs, cars (their treatment in sickness and in health), bomshells from Fishliwood, foreign policy of government, chances of local team in Folympics and what to do when you find a dead fish in your bath one fine morning with nothing on but a black spectacle.

Every now and then gentle fishes outside will hear cries and crashes coming from Fish Dudes. The scene of fishes flying (thrown !!!) in strange clothes out of Fish Dudes and running inside with double the enthusiasm as soon as they hit the ground outside was as ordinary as breathing. Because of this reasons, during all the time of day and night as well, you can see atleast two (or even more sometimes) copper fishers outside the club. And because these cops used force to maintain law and peace, every entry inside Fish Dudes (my friend Jonathan in particular) loathed them. No fish missed the chance of getting equal with these son of laws. They felt lucky, they felt proud, they felt strong, they felt invincible while carrying out the task of dealing with these cops. Details on it some other time.

For the time being coming back to Jonathan Mann. From his corner he decides something and starts walking towards the group with some air of a lionfish swimming towards its prey.

'Ah', said Jonathan taking the catapult from the fish in the centre. 'So this is the instrument. I would have preferred one with a whippier shaft, but we must not grumble. Yes', he said, moving to the window. 'I think I shall be able to make do. It is not the catapult, it is the fish behind that matters.' The first lesson a big game hunter learns, when on a safari for a tiger, is to watch and wait and Jonathan showed no impatience as the minutes went by and the only fish souls that came in sight were a couple of Goat Fish and a Big eye Barracuda. But he was confident that before long some worthy cop of his chestnut will emerge across the street. While waiting he had tense expectancy, a breathless feeling.

In about a minute, the moment arrived and there had come on the street across a tall, stout, florid fish who wore his high silk hat of the force like plumed helmet of a knight. He stood on the pavement with an air of authority looking satisfied that everything was in his control. In few minutes he was going to know how wrong he was.

'Tiger on skyline.' said the fusilier.
'Complete with topper', added the trevally, ' Draw the bead without delay, is my advice.'
'Just waiting till I can see the whites of his eyes', said Jonathan.

For a fish, who was new to the group, the air suddenly became like that of a fish who has had it drawn to his attention that there is a ticking bomb attatched to his coat tails, and knowing so whose each particular hair stands on end like quills upon a porpentine. He shouts, 'For heaven's sake Jonathan, you can't pot a cop's hat.'

Jonathan just gave a cold look to the fish and he was pulled behind by the hog and the cod for a proper explanation which he will remember till his death. Jonathan refocuses on his prey quickly for he thought if he do not give quick service, his quarry will be gone with the wind. From the way gills of the cop quivered as he sniffed the breeze, Jonathan was not sure that he was not already being scented.

Narrowing his gaze, he released the guided missile, little knowing, as it sped straight and true to its mark, that he will have to run from the spot immediately as the cop he hit was a tough one and was running towards Fish Dudes sole entrance shouting words we will not be able to account for here.

As soon as the chestnut hit the cop, there was a joyous shouting which resulted in a chain reaction with every fish inside the club screaming at the top of its voice. Claps, flying sugar lumps, even flying fishes were seen at that moment. Jonathan, happy but equally tensed, thought for a moment and ran towards the stairs behind the bar which was used to reach the first floor which was being used as a warehouse. The club was old and wooden. Earlier there was no first floor in the club. But to make space, bar owner Mr. Sore (a bennett's puffer), built a thin wooden partition over, so that the space between that partition and original roof, could be used as a warehouse. It was heavily stuffed, was very old and was on the verge of breaking.

The reason for explaining the roof is, Jonathan went for the same warehouse, and added weight of his heavily built body along with other stuffs. He was quiet and silent. He knew that till the cops themselves did not climb and check, he was safe. That no fish in Fish Dudes will give out his name. He could hear the shouting of the cops inquiring about which son of the blot dared to hit the hat of the force. Jonathan heard a low cracking voice somewhere around. He took it for rat fishes in the warehouse. But the sound gradually increased. And before he realized that it was the sound of breaking wood, the temporary roof gave up, and Jonathan fell down with a thud, with all the stuff of warehouse raining on him.

Every fish below was shocked with this sudden shower of things. Before anyone can understand anything, Jonathan stood up, removing debris from over his body. First thing he saw before him was the Copper with the blasmy hat whom he hit. The cop was looking at him with a cold eye and a question mark. All Jonathan could utter were the exact words "THE NAME IS BOND, JAMES BOND." And he leaped towards the door of Fish Dudes. All he could hear behind was shouts and cheers of fellow Fish Dude Fishes.

"Saamna jab hua, phir wahi sab hua,
Saamna jab hua, phir wahi sab hua,
Uspe yeh karz tha, uska yeh karz tha,
Karz to Farz Apna Chukanaaaaa tha,
Hoo, Hoo Hoo Hoooooo,
La La La Laaaaaaaaaa,
Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey,
Ek hasina thi, Ek deewanaaaaaa tha.. "

Kewl Kewl F1 Facts !!

1) F1 car is made up of 80,000 components, if it were assembled 99.9% correctly; it would still start the race with 80 things wrong!

2) When an F1 driver hits the brakes on his car he experiences retardation or deceleration comparable to a regular car driving through a BRICK wall at 300kmph!

3) F1 car can go from 0 to 160 kph AND back to 0 in FOUR seconds!

4) F1 car engines last only for about 2 hours of racing mostly before blowing up, on the other hand we expect our engines to last us for a decent 20 yrs on an average and they quite faithfully DO....that's the extent to which the engines are pushed to perform...

5) An average F1 driver looses about 4 kgs of weight after just one race due to the prolonged exposure to high G forces and temperatures for little over an hour (Yeah that's right!! I checked twice!!)

6) At 550kg a F1 car is less than half the weight of a Mini. (Mini is a car like maruti 800!)

7) To give idea of just how important aerodynamic design and added down force can be, small planes can take off at slower speeds than F1 cars travel on the track.

8) Without aerodynamic down force, high-performance racing cars have sufficient power to produce wheel spin and loss of control at 160 kph. They usually race at over 300 kph.

9) In a street course race like the Monaco grand prix, the down force provides enough suction to lift manhole covers. Before the race all of the manhole covers on the streets have to be welded down to prevent this from happening!

10) The refuelers used in F1 can supply 12 liters of fuel per second. This means it would take just 4 seconds to fill the tank of an average 50 liter family car. They use the same refueling rigs used on US military helicopters today.

11) TOP F1 pit crews can refuel and change tyres in around 3 seconds. FYI it took you around 8 sec to read this line.

12) During the race the tyres lose weight! Each tyre loses about 0.5 kg in weight due to wear!

13) Normal tyres last 60 000 - 100 000 km. Racing tyres are designed to last 90 - 120 km.

14) A dry-weather F1 tyre reaches peak operating performance (best grip) when tread temperature is between 900C and 1200C. (Water boils boils at 100C remember!) At top speed, F1 tyres rotate 50 times a second.

Poem by an african kid to white world !!

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me 'COLORED'

Be +ve, It's ridiculous to c it as END 4 Everythng!!

A

“I used to cry,
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me,
somebody new.
I’m not that chained up little person
still in love with you.”

B

“Cos I’m strong enough
To live without you.
Strong enough and I quit crying,
Long enough now I’m strong enough,
To know you gotta go.”

C

“Think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.”

D

“It’s time for me to fly.
Oh, I’ve got to set myself free.
Time for me to fly,
And that’s just how it’s got to be.
I know it hurts to say goodbye,
But it’s time for me to fly.”

E

“When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.”

F

“Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don’t even notice she’s gone,
Most of the time.”

G

“If you ever think about me,
Just know that I’ll be alright
I’m gonna be strong,
I’m gonna do fine,
Don’t worry about this heart of mine.
I know I’ll survive
Sure I’ll make it through.”

H

“I don’t wanna’ spend my life jaded,
Waiting to wake up one day and find,
That I’ve let all these years go by,
Wasted.”

I

“You told me you loved me,
Why did you leave me, all alone?
Now you tell me you need me,
When you call me, on the phone.
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused,
With some other guy.
Your bridges were burned, and now it’s your turn,
To cry, cry me a river.”

J

“The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do.

They’re really saying I love you.”


Live For Life

Balakrishna the great

# Balakrishna doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Balakrishna has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Balakrishna.

# Balakrishna does not sleep. He waits.

# Balakrishna counted to infinity - twice.

# When Balakrishna does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Balakrishna is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Balakrishna can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Balakrishna doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Balakrishna can slam a revolving door.

# Balakrishna does not get frostbite. Balakrishna bites frost

# If you have five dollars and Balakrishna has five dollars, Balakrishna has more money than you.

# There is no 'ctrl' button on Balakrishna's computer. Balakrishna is always in control.

# Balakrishna can sneeze with his eyes open.

# Balakrishna destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

# Balakrishna can kill two stones with one bird.

# There are no races, only countries of people Balakrishna has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

# When Balakrishna falls in water, Balakrishna doesn't get wet. Water gets Balakrishna.

# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Balakrishna Roundhouse Kick)

# Balakrishna’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

# Balakrishna doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

# Balakrishna can divide by zero.

# Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Balakrishna roundhouse kick.

# When Balakrishna talks, everybody listens. And dies.

# For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Balakrishna, each testicle is larger than the other one.

# When taking the SAT, write "Balakrishna" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

# Balakrishna invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Srikanth invented pink.

# When you're Balakrishna, anything + anything is equal to 1.

# Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Balakrishna"

# If you Google search "Balakrishna getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

# Balakrishna can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

# It takes Balakrishna 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

# Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Balakrishna pajamas.

# Simply by pulling on both ends, Balakrishna can stretch diamonds back into coal.

# When Balakrishna does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

# There is in fact an “I” in Balakrishna, but there is no “team”… not even close.

# Balakrishna can slam a revolving door.

# Balakrishna is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Balakrishna does not swim. This is because when Balakrishna enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Balakrishna simply walks across the pool floor.

# Balakrishna proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

research life

research life. (courtesy : bhondoo)

After the meeting with advisor:
Debugging your own code:
Attending a lecture:
Attending a talk suggested by your advisor:
Experiment succeeds:
Advisor on leave:
Semester ends:
Paper accepted:
Experiment fails:
Why did I choose this advisor?:
Before exam:
Failure in comprehensive exam:
Paper rejected:
Advisor praises:
Everyone else goes for a trek and you have to stay back:
7th year of PhD:
Review comments on the final report asking you to rewrite 3 chapters and add 2 new:

Listen...

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
Or jump to a conclusion,
You have not done what I asked.
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something
To solve my problem,
Strange as that may seem,
But that's not what I asked for.
Listen! all I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do - just hear me.

Satti and the Dog

Once upon a time in a small room of a vast city bangalore, there lived two fellows : satti and niksi. Both used to be so so intelligent because of the following reasons:
1) both were master of technology (biiiig deal)
2) both were in IBM (d biiiiiiiiiiiig blue)
3) best of all, both were boys (boys are "d" best)

So, i am going to describe one small incident which happened to them last night.
satti and niksi will go to andhra mess to have their supper every night. For satti (who is an andhra guy) its a feast, for niksi (who is not a south indian) its a way to fight hunger. So crux of the matter is they have to cross a loooooooooooong lane from their small room to reach the biiiiig outer ring road, crossing which they reach their destination.

This happened while they were crossing this lane. The time was after dusk around 7.30. The very instant, satti and niksi entered the lane, don't know from where a huuge (kind of) doggy came. He started moving along with satti and niksi. Both thought that doggy's pace is similar to their's and thats the reason he is moving along. And when time will come, he will move on to his path. But doggy had different things on his mind.

Thing is that, our satti is kind of slow, plummy, golu polu, cute. So any good doggy just by looking to satti will fall in love with him. Similar thing happens to our doggy here. He saw satti, he fell in love with him. And for this eternal love, he was moving along with a firm determination that whatever may come, he will never leave satti.

It was a scene worth imagining. Two people and a dog. Going. Going. Going. With different things in mind.

But after a minute or two, satti felt that doggy is coming with him only.

Satti: Doggy
Doggy: Satti
Satti: Eh
Doggy: What
Satti: Go
Doggy: No
Satti: Why
Doggy: I love you
Satti: (No words, just a shocked face)

Actually he was taken aback. No body said "I love you" to him ever with so much love in the eyes. But still, he thought firmly to get rid of the dog. He was thinking foul of the dog. But see his face, and you will not see a sign of any thing negative. It was all filled with love, love and nothing else. This is where the dog failed. He saw satti and he saw love and he thought love and he got over confident.

He took satti for granted. He thought satti will never leave him. And he started moving fast and ahead of satti and niksi, leading the way for his master and clearing the path of other not so important kids, people and doggies.

Satti catches niksi's hand and stops. Niksi with a blank look, What?
Satti: Wait
Niksi: for what
Satti: that doggy
niksi: which, what doggy
satti: that doggy you fool, where is your mind. that doggy is following us.
niksi: oh my god, is it, i never thought. now what
satti: just wait, i have a working plan.

Coming to the climax. What happens is a man, with build similar to satti passes satti and niksi and gradually reaches to the dog. Dog is too busy clearing the path for his master to see this switch. He starts moving along with that man thinking him as satti (his beloved).

Satti takes advantage of this moment and switches the lane using a cross lane in between. CRUEL CRUEL SATTI. Noooooooooooo feelings for the poor dog. No second thoughts. Niksi hates satti.

Finally, they come to the great outer ring road. And while crossing niksi gives a stare behind. And what he looks at is heart breaking. At the edge of the lane he sees a dog, wretched, tired, heart ached, poor.. with tears in eyes... looking with a look of "WHY ME?" towards satti. He never in his dreams thought that satti will leave him like this...

But thats how life is... you can not expect love from everyone you love.....

Niksi feels, only if that dog would had loved him instead of satti, things would had been different...

Ah... falling in love... gravitation is not responsible..

Art by Nicholas Boucher