the only reality in my life and conciousness was her. all my mental powers were now turned to keep her within my reach, and keep her smiling all the time, neither of which was at all easy. i would willingly have kept at her side all the time, as a sort of parasite; but in that it was not easy. i was always racked with the thought that the boys were keeping an eye on me and were commenting behind my back. i did not want to be observed. i was becoming self concious about it. i very much wished that the architecture of the place oculd be altered so that i might go up without having anyone watch me. i didn’t liked the way they looked at me whenever i passed. i knew that an inward joke on my expense was amusing them. i think i could have ignored them but i was unable as they were my early associates.    but its all over now.   i am the biggest fool……