Friday, March 21, 2008

aaj holi rene ka.. bole to happy holi to everyone.. subah as usual utha.. had muh tinkle (ya am reading one tinkle every morning since last so many days) i feel refreshing.. abhi kya karna aisa sochna.. chutti nahi tha re.. mujhe yaad aaya sir bol ke gaye the.. 

niksi : hello, good afternoon sir.
sir : ya, good afternoon.
niksi : ..........
sir : .........
sir : hello
niksi : yes sir
sir : hmm, tell me...
niksi : wat sir... (and der goes muh heart p0unding as always, saala fir darr gaya )
sir : see, today eve i am going to rameshwar.. day after tomorrow is a holiday.. 
niksi : yes sir
sir : so...
niksi : so... 
sir : wat are you going to do..
niksi : (oh my god) mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
sir : .........
niksi : ya.. i will format those papers... but i want you to send me a copy each of the papers and reviews..
sir : why.. i gave you na..
niksi : yes sir, but drive is not working.. and i will have to search for the hard copies.. (baaaah, yaad aa gaya ye time pe.. varna mmmm mmm karke ich khatm sab)
sir : ok den search... tomorrow and saturday you do that thing.. see you on monday..
niksi : happy journey sir..
sir : ok bi..

den same night 3 o clock niksi gets a message (heavenly send.. love you o angel ).. that tomorrow is declared as a holiday for the institute.. he he... ye ye.. our institute is secular (pseudo i mean)... fatafat messaged "tringtring" (who is tringtring... i will introduce someday).. ye ye chutti.....

jitni jor se uchla tha ye football chutti sun ke.. utni hi jor se baith gaya fir.. next day kya boring tha.. was mast enjoying muh loneliness.. and phone aaya..

niksi (again) i hate talking on phone : hello
cousin : hello
niksi : kem cho
cousin : maja ma.. what is happening in hcu yaar.. i am reading all this in paper
niksi : ya.. dats because paapam.. a phd guy did suicide.. so people are fighting for him.. karke.. nothing much
cousin : ok ok
cousin : why you not going office
niksi : nahi hai (ye ye, the spirits where still right there).. aaj holiday... id kar ke..
cousin : ok darling so go to begumpet and pick up your dear aunt.. she will be der in half an hour
niksi : abba right now.. i am still half asleep... tooooooooo much (ofcourse ye sab mann me bola)... ok fine bhaiyya (aaaaaargggggggghhhhhh) i will do it.. tell me the details..
cousin : no details.. take the number, call them and take details..
niksi : (sad now a bit) ok...
cousin gives the number and hangs off...

nahana, khana, details lena kar ke i went off to begumpet station... line me masth khade rehna.. main badi line me khada raha (for the simple reason that kiosk at the end of the line was a beautiful female.. he he.. ).. 

after 20 min my number comes.. ekdum raapchik confidence me bhai bola.. gimme a platform ticket please.. kya smile tha baap... mera i mean.. 

she gave me the ticket... ajanta express kaun se number pe aata (question by niksi to her)

she : kya ajanta express.. yahan pe nahi aata.. secundrabad is the last station.. it never comes here..

ooooooooooooooooooooooo my goooooooooooooooooooooood.. cousin ki to main.... 
anyways.. thank you "behanji"... 

kya chopsi hua baap.. came out.. platform ticket ko cousin bana ke made a thousand pieces.. i am feeling so so so good... again called maasi.. told her to wait at secundrabad station.. her saviour sir nikunj will be der in an hour... (khaya bhi nahi tha kuch main pata hai)...

and the day just started... (yaar, i want boring day.. and roj kuch na kuch hota...)....................

My roots : i am confused. 


Is the answer i am still searching for.

Do i really need you?

or is it the search for the unknown.

i want to speak out,

but to someone who could make a difference.

can i see you somewhere?

than why is it that i see you everywhere.

the feeling of being with you is still alive in me.

i'm almost a martyr of love.

i don't see a future that belongs to us together.

but i still dream of one.

people say they come and go.

so did you.

but they never told me that you would go forever.

then why did you?

i belong to where we began because i found you there.

but you ran away from all that was us.

i thought to solve the mystery.

but how can i solve,

because you met me when we began.

you are my roots and roots are not to be shared.

they are to be preserved.

to be taken care of all through the life.

because roots are not to be explored.

because they define you as you did me......

Thursday, March 20, 2008

i can feel it.. kya pata..

Crawling in my skinThese wounds they will not healFear is how I fall Confusing what is real There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surfaceComsuming, confusing This lack of self-control I fear is never-endingControlling, I can't seem...To find myself again My walls are closing inI've felt this way beforeSo insecure...Crawling in my skin These wounds they will not healFear is how I fallConfusing what is real Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me Distructing, reacting Against my will I stand beside my own reflectionIt's haunting, how I can't seem...To find myself againMy walls are closing inI've felt this way beforeSo insecure...Crawling in my skin These wounds they will not healFear is how I fallConfusing what is realThere's something inside me that pulls beneath the surfaceComsuming...This lack of self-control I fear is never-endingControlling...Confusing what is real ....

Am thinking i should post..... ok guys.. see ya again..