Wednesday, April 2, 2008

galli puraan - 1

"Kandi",with a small wooden sword in his hand, was jumping from top of the tree to balcony of our house, from there to the
garden in the front and again from there back to the top of the tree - behaving like a mad baboon.

Ye dekh ke mera to bheja fir gaya . We call kandi "Nutloose Maharaj". Nutloose means, all the nuts and bolts of the head falling
loose, and in such a way that no screwdriver, player in the vast world can repair. In a way I am also nutloose. But of all in
"the gang", the best nutloose is our "Sat". If we do good work in our country we get Padmashree, if we do better work
we get, Padmabhusan, and if our work is best - out of this world, we get Bharat Ratna.

Padma bole to kamal. Hamari galli ke piche, there is a biiiig pond full of lotuses. Pond ko lagke, there exists the farm of our
"Pandeyji". Pandeyji owns a group of buffaloes. Kya bhainsa hai baap. Like the spectators grouped together to watch galli
cricket, these buffaloes will group together in muddy pond taking sunbath the whole day. Hasinao ki maafik. There are around
10 - 12 buffaloes. But saari ki saari bina kaam ki. All of them together gives around half a litre of milk a day. Ya but what attitude
and personality these buffalos are having baap. tooooo much. Every dusk they will cause a traffic jaam taking there evening walk.
We have a gentleman called "Mishra ji" in our galli. He will neither work inside the house nor outside it. Earlier he used to buy lots of
newspaper. From morning till dawn he will read and reread these papers and will keep itching his head, whispering and talking
to himself.

Mishraji - "Don't know what will happen to this country. Saala sab taraf darkness hi darkness. Gandhiji to "swatantrata" de ke
nikal liye. Nehru also went off giving "panchsheel". Main akela aadmi. What can i do? Country is looking cursed. No peace, no
happiness, no rest. Aaaaargh. Leaders corrupt, officers corrupt, police corrupt. There were only 40 thieves at the time of ali
baba. Ab to saala apni galli me ich chalis chora rete. Don't know whats going to happen to this country. Its going to get ruined."

Speaking in the above fashion he was walking slowly. Along with him was our "pappu paper" (he is our newspaper vendor).

Pappu paper (looking worried) - "Saab, don't know whether our country is going to be ruined or not, but if you will not pay the bills
of my newspapers, i am surely going to get ruined. Saab please, pay the bills. "

Mishraji (stopped, looked besides, took the topi above the head, itched quietly, kept his hand on the shoulders of pappu) - "Arre
yaara, you don't worry bout the bill. Apan jindagi me kya leke aaye, and what are we going to take back ? sab maaya hai dost,
sab maaya hai.. are you getting me pappu??"

Pappu understood and ran away... Mishraji nahi sudhare, but then same goes with our country, leaders.. wo bhi to nahi sudhare...
One day mishraji caught niksi.. means me..

Mishraji - "Wat re nik, full day no work, just roaming here and there like pandey ji's buffaloes.. do some work beta... be something.." he
started his age old lecture...

I tried my best to run away.. but his grip was too strong this time... My mind went Nutloose... I started back.. "leave me, just leave me"
I do not keep reading newspapers like you.. I have to go for work.. but he came with a firm decision today..
"What re.. what will happen if I will keep giving lectures.. I have to practice myself what I am saying.. or else everything is
equivalent to crap.. if there aren't any bullets in the gun.. than khali dhai dhai karne se kya hota.. will anyone die from that.. "

Oooo my god.. i was half dead by this time.. somehow i snatched myself away from his grip.. and saala galli tak bina ruke bhaaga...
nonstop running.. I used to run with barking dogs behind me when was a kid.. wo same practice abhi kaam aata kabhi kabhi..

"The gang" was discussing something in galli...
First one said "I always wanted to be a bus driver.. mast ghumte rehna.. upar se logo ko pareshaan karna... kriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiich.. like that
you suddenly push the brake.. piche ki seat wala like an arrow.. kaisa sataaak ke saamne conductor ke paas aata... superb career.."

Other said "No no, there is fear of road accidents in that career.. we have to die getting stucked between seat and steering wheel.. I like
becoming a conductor.. ticket ticket bolke ghumte rena.. change nako bolke ticket ke piche likh ke dena... That person departs
in hurry and paise apan ke... ho ho.. wo paise daan kar dena.. lots of good work man.. "

third said "I will become a leader, cutting ribbons somewhere, giving speeches.. no worries about eating... once if you win.. no
problems for the next five years.. "
While the discussion was going.. kandi kept jumping from tree to tin box, tin box to bushes and then back to the tree with his
wooden sword..
My aunt started shouting from inside "Arre, what happened to this kandi.. today morning in the temple, the monkeys snatched
prasad from his hand.. since then he is behaving like this.. kahi bandara kaat ke paagal to nahi bana diye bechare ku.. I think he
will have to be given fourteen biiiig injections.. "

Kandi stopped and shouted back.. "Arre O, waste fella.. i am not mad.. this is "Gorilla Warfare".. you will not understand..
before 378 years shivaji maharaj used to tease aurangjeb like this only.. by the time he blinked his eyes sab ke sab idhar udhar
jaane kidhar gaayab ho jaate.. if we want to do something for society, country.. we should build our health re.. we must
practice things like this, if we learn such "movements" to fatafat "escape" ho sakte.. "

At the very instant.. mishraji called from back --- "Arre.. you people are here?? ", Me, kandi and rest of the gang.. escaped just
like shivaji in a moment using "Gorilla warfare" "movements".. He caught my aunt and started his lectures...

Sajjan se Sajjan mile to prem se kije baat,
gaddhe se gaddha mile to ghusa ya fir laat..

Next morning my aunt was sitting with her hand on her head... "Kya re tumloga.. aise kaise bhaag gaye mereku chod ke.., you
people must teach me this gorilla, chimpanjee, monkey, baboon, watever warfare.. i also need it... "

We all need to learn gorilla warfare, some or the other time.. Kya bolte Saab...

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