Saturday, September 27, 2008

Balakrishna the great

# Balakrishna doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Balakrishna has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Balakrishna.

# Balakrishna does not sleep. He waits.

# Balakrishna counted to infinity - twice.

# When Balakrishna does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Balakrishna is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Balakrishna can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Balakrishna doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Balakrishna can slam a revolving door.

# Balakrishna does not get frostbite. Balakrishna bites frost

# If you have five dollars and Balakrishna has five dollars, Balakrishna has more money than you.

# There is no 'ctrl' button on Balakrishna's computer. Balakrishna is always in control.

# Balakrishna can sneeze with his eyes open.

# Balakrishna destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

# Balakrishna can kill two stones with one bird.

# There are no races, only countries of people Balakrishna has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

# When Balakrishna falls in water, Balakrishna doesn't get wet. Water gets Balakrishna.

# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Balakrishna Roundhouse Kick)

# Balakrishna’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

# Balakrishna doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

# Balakrishna can divide by zero.

# Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Balakrishna roundhouse kick.

# When Balakrishna talks, everybody listens. And dies.

# For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Balakrishna, each testicle is larger than the other one.

# When taking the SAT, write "Balakrishna" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

# Balakrishna invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Srikanth invented pink.

# When you're Balakrishna, anything + anything is equal to 1.

# Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Balakrishna"

# If you Google search "Balakrishna getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

# Balakrishna can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

# It takes Balakrishna 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

# Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Balakrishna pajamas.

# Simply by pulling on both ends, Balakrishna can stretch diamonds back into coal.

# When Balakrishna does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

# There is in fact an “I” in Balakrishna, but there is no “team”… not even close.

# Balakrishna can slam a revolving door.

# Balakrishna is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Balakrishna does not swim. This is because when Balakrishna enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Balakrishna simply walks across the pool floor.

# Balakrishna proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

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